Dave Peyton: Chicken crossed a highway to set author on right path
July 9, 2017 - accent chair
As we walked out a doorway onto a behind porch, a voice came from underneath a chair.
“Loser. Loser. Dave is a loser.”
It continued until we carried a chair adult to see where it came from.
“A chicken?” we said.
“What did we expect? An elephant?” a feathered squawker replied.
That was my introduction to my latest critic. we have been called things we can't repeat in this column, though never by a chicken.
I had so many questions, though we started with a basics.
“What are we doing here?”
“I’m here to assistance you. we was walking down a highway and famous it’s where we live. So, we crossed a road. Get it? Chicken? Crossed a road?”
“Help me? How are we going to help?” we asked.
“Well, it’s transparent we need assistance with your column.”
He went on to explain that he had been reading my mainstay for years “and it is usually going downhill. we remember a days we were infrequently humorous and spasmodic correct.”
“You meant humorous when we used to write about Fred a Dog?”
“Well, yes,” a duck said. “He was another loser. we got a grin from him, though he was a wag like you. In fact, we share a same initial name.”
“Your name is Fred?” we asked.
“Yes though I’m not Fred a Dog. we am famous as Fred a Fryer.”
He went on to explain a few of my new mainstay mistake pas.
“Your censure about a miserable conditions during a finish of Norwood Road? Don’t we know there are choice routes until a Republicans get around to patching a highway. They will repair it we know? Eighty years of Democratic control and “
“Aha. So that is because we crossed a road, ” we said. ” You were sent to Republicanize me.”
“No one sent me, Loser. A chairman or persons during The Herald-Disgrace motionless to concede we to write a mainstay and we am here to get we to consider right, accent on right.” Fred said.
“The Herald-Disgrace, huh? Wow, that’s so original, so creative. Never listened that one before.” we smirked. “I’ll gamble we call a Wayne News a Wayne Snooze. Yup, a knee-slapper for sure.”
“Watch it, Loser. Remember we have God and a Republicans on my side.” Fred said.
“Any other mainstay shortcomings we wish to indicate out?”
“Oh yes. Many. What’s this about supervision support for rural pursuits in West Virginia? Farmers don’t need help. All they need is a diseased mind and a clever back,” Fred said.
“Then let’s discharge vocational rural programs in high schools and a whole rural multiplication during West Virginia University, ” we said.
“Loser,” Fred a Fryer replied as he fast altered a subject. “I intend to stay right here underneath this chair and criticism on your written ramblings in hopes we can put we on a right trail and save we from yourself.”
“What we are observant is that we am always wrong and we are always right?”
“That’s about a distance of it, Loser.”
“I have to go though before we do, did we hear a one about a liberal, a duck and President Trump during a bar?”
Fred a Fryer groaned and crawled behind underneath a chair. we went on my happy approach whistling a aged balance “A Chicken Ain’t Nothin’ But a Bird.”
Dave Peyton is on Facebook. His email residence is firstname.lastname@example.org.
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