AN EXTREMELY SUPERFICIAL REVIEW OF NEW HIRE JIM MCELWAIN
January 6, 2015 - accent chair
Accent: An SEC manager needs an accent, and McElwain has one. It’s not a Southern accent of any sort, that is a teenager crime, though he does have a Westerner’s hurl to a approach he says things. Like, it’s not something we can hear observant SHITFIRE we GOT TO SEE THAT DONKEY KICK, though it’s really an accent we can hear vocalization absolutely about horses, cars, and and firearms. PASS.
Name: This is an programmed exam like a Captcha to see if we have hired any of a following:
- Skip Holtz
- Houston Nutt
- Derek Dooley
- Josh McDaniels
- Lane Kiffin
- Dick Jauron
- Dennis Erickson
- Billy Donovan
In box this had to be verified
You consider a vital module like Florida wouldn’t have to determine a sinecure around Captcha, though if we doubt it afterwards we clearly haven’t watched a final half-decade of Florida football. Enter a name, Jeremy. The mechanism can see if you’re lying, or if we incidentally hired McElwain when Siri misunderstood your ask for a nearest Quiche Lorraine. (If this is what happened, that’s excellent given it competence work out. Embrace life’s accidents, we say.) PASS
Teeth: Big, capped magnificence. Those are flawless football teeth right there, a kind many Americans save for a asocial coastal elites trust in wholeheartedly as an indicator of good firmness and confidence. Could a good white shark sell cars effectively in Topeka, were he to usually smile? Damn right he could, and if he coached on a Saban staff he’d fit right in given all Saban staffers know that recruiting is usually like offered a car. You need to make certain we have teeth, make a chairman buy into a product you’re selling, and that in 4 years when a guaranty runs out you’ll be so deeply un-liable for anything that happened to that automobile in a interim. PASS.
Let’s not chop difference we do not sinecure a manager for his hair and that’s a good thing for McElwain given his hair is very, very, really bad. It is Jim Bob Duggar bad. It indeed looks accurately like Jim Bob Duggar’s hair, as a thousand people on a internet have already forked out. We’d disagree that any denote of your manager slicing corners in his life in sequence to concentration on some-more football represents a certain indicator about your program, like when Jim Harbaugh pays 10 bucks for pants or Nick Saban cooking a same thing for lunch each day. You wish your manager regulating a Flowbee or vouchsafing a goat gnaw on his hair instead of profitable for extensive salon visits, given there was usually one male who could secrete value while sitting in a barber’s chair and that male has been passed given 2006.
Also, Jim Bob Duggar has a thousand children, and nothing of them are as orphaned as a Florida offense given a year 2009. So like, how’s that ostensible to be bad, hater? PASS
He’s got Process-Hands, so clearly a Saban acolyte. NO GRADE AWARDED PENDING SABAN COACHING TREE AND ITS DEEPLY MIXED RESULTS, PARTICULARLY WHEN IT COMES TO FLORIDA FOOTBALL
Khakis: Almost always wrinkled as shit in a top thigh/crotch reason, a pointer of a male who took a time to iron a breathe legs though “can’t figure how to get a rest on a dang ironing board.” Pleat level seems to have come down drastically from his Colorado State wardrobe. You could remove a sandwich in those fabric folds, dude. PASS
Windbreaker: Check. He joins Bill Snyder, Mark Dantonio, and Nick Saban in a windbreaker club, coaches all joined by their enterprise to usually put something publicly respectable on and get out a doorway and onto a use field. Bill Snyders are done of oilcloth he pulled off corpses during Shiloh, though we don’t get coordinating knowledge any other approach though to usually go and do it. Grant ran a ruin of a Wing-T. PASS